more shit

So since this morning a mass of shit has arrived at my doorstep... shocker.. not really this is how my life rolls... I got a promotion which now means i am even more of my boss's bitch.. but hey its more money in my pocket and i need a car so what ever works right? that and I am a money whore ask my exhusband.. with him i worked 3 jobs and what do i have to show for it? not a good damned thing since he got it all in the divorce... fucker.. crazy cross dressing, beating my ass fucker... Then the boyfriend who's supposed to be my fiancee but hasn't put a ring on my finger or asked my father if he could marry me which was his idea mind you not mine.. he picks me up from work, and informs me that he is going to his sisters house to spend the night with his daughter and all that goodness... at which point i flip out at him and let him know that i need to be at work at 6am and how the fuck am i supposed to get there if i have no fucking car... I don't understand why he can't just spend time with her and then take her back to super cunt? why is she running my life??? Last time I checked she didn't pay my bills so she has no say!!! so then i tell him maybe he should move out.. do I want him to leave? NO! I love him... we're supposed to be getting married.. but then I feel like the bad guy because if it wasn't for me attempting to cut my arm that night maybe we'd still have Hanna.. but then super cunt would pull anything to get her.. she has told him she hopes he dies.. and other horrible things wants her daughter full time but can't handle the responsibility that comes along with that.. she just got married and went on her honey moon and the day she came back she couldnt wait to pawn her daughter off on him... really bitch you didn't see her for a week and then you cant spend a day with her??? WTF??? She continues to boggle my mind... I don't understand this shit... thank god I didn't have any spawn with my ex.. And this is all yet another reason why I think people should have a license to breed... Besides all this I'm still with him... and I have put up with a load of shit in the 5 months we've been together.. I let his nephew move in for 2 months and mooch off us and I finally got sick of that and told the boyfriend to get rid of him.. then he does and now his sister is trying to get us to take him back.. really? I don't remember giving birth to a 20 year old recently... argh..... and I just have to think about how much I love him when I think about how easy it would be to just move home to hawaii.. my brother has already promised me a brand new car as soon as i step off the plane... why am i here putting up with this shit? My life would be cake if i moved back... but I wouldn't have the people I feel are my NY family.. Deb, my crazy pregnant best friend... and her drunken boyfriend who i love to pieces but wish he treated her better, then theres my gay best friend who's brother knows hes a homo but his parents deny it, Rachel my other best friend who just got married to her baby's daddy after 5 years and a mess of restraining orders, and then there's the others like Andrea who I havent talked to in 2 months because she came to visit and alloted me one day of her time and when I wasnt able to accomidate that because I have a life and a soon to be step daughter and a boyfriend and it was his birthday and other shit came up she gets pissy and throws an attitude... God... i have spent all my life making other people happy or trying to... I don't remember the last time I made myself happy.. I didn't take the promotion today so I could use the money on shit I needed. I did it to save for the wedding. my first one was shit... i'll get into that another day... believe me i should be a soap opera... or to spend the money on Hanna and her clothes and school shit, or xmas to make sure she was spoiled... I love this kid like she was my own... all my friends tell me why do you take responsibility for her she's not yours... I do it because I love her and she's gonna be my stepdaughter... but see it's always me on the back burner.... well thats enough for now i'll spew more drama at you tomorrow....